Feedback stems for narrative texts....
I like the imagery here...... it really helps me visualize......
I like the specific detail you used in .......... it helps me......
I like how you...introduced; added; elaborated; described; included....because


Feedback for Improvement....
What might happen if you included a/n anecdote..... a quote....what the person said
...a specific noun or name of a person, place, or thing.....something to help me see/understand....
I'd like to know more about...
I'd like to see more about.....
What? Who? 

This personal statement is supposed to be about you....I don't see you...
What traits or qualities do you want the reader to understand about you.....
What word or detail can help me better experience what you experienced?.....
Do you remember your purpose for this question? 
Why did you include this example/anecdote? 
What might happen if you began the piece here instead of here.....?
Can you combine these two sentences?